If you are great at your job – and I mean really great – then I know a few things about you:
- Much more is expected of you than your coworkers.
- You are expected to produce under tighter deadlines.
- Your pay isn’t fair – people who produce less make the same or more as you.
- No boss has ever truly appreciated how hard you work.
- It’s happened at every job you’ve ever held.
And most significantly:
- It’s slowly killing you.
Unless you work in a position where your efforts are directly connected to results (e.g. sales), then being good at your job can be a life sentence of hard labor.
It’s not easy to change your approach to work to take back control and save your health and sanity. It is possible, however, if you are willing to undergo some serious self-analysis. Because the problem isn’t everyone else.
It’s you.
But, let’s start by talking about everyone else! It’s more fun. We’ll get to the hard parts in a bit. So, what’s going on with this system that can pile so much work on your plate? I call it The Three-Legged Stool of Discontent:
- Socialism
- conflict avoidance
- naive hope
Leg 1: 90% of jobs have a heavy dose of Socialism
This is the fundamental, underlying reason why you are overworked. I’m serious. You see, here in America, land of Capitalism, we don’t like to admit that we have anything at all to do with Socialism… isn’t that for Communists or something? Not for us here in the good old USA.
Ha. Read this quote from Karl Marx and see if you don’t practice it every single day:
From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.
It’s the entire reason you are taking care of your children or your elderly parents: you have the ability, someone else has the need. Your kids aren’t paying you to change their diapers and haul them to band practice. Quite the opposite, in fact: you’re paying for the privilege, even if you aren’t enjoying yourself. It’s why we volunteer. And acts of charity are part of every mainstream religion.
“OK. Fine. We are Socialists in our personal lives. But not at work. That’s where people have to earn their way.”
Well…sort of. Yes, you must show up to work and produce some minimal amount of effort, and in exchange, you get a paycheck. So far so good. But tying compensation to production is tough in many lines of work. And therein lies the problem…and the reason you are working your guts out and Kevin in the next cubicle is playing fantasy football all day and getting the same salary.
Karl Marx wrote the perfect description of my work environment. Click To TweetOne of you has the abilities that your boss needs. One of you has proven that he doesn’t have any discernable abilities beyond excellent draft picks.
For the same pay (or more), one of you has a cake job. And one of you is regularly working beyond maximum capacity.
'Kevins' avoid certain jobs
Of course, there are jobs where production quotas are clear and easy to measure. If you are in one of these jobs, this article doesn’t apply to you.
Here, I’m talking to those workers with no performance goals, or hazy goals about “synergy” and “teamwork.” Or employees who share departmental rather than personal goals. I’m also talking about jobs with pay scales based on position and years of service, where people earn more just by sticking around and avoiding getting fired.
And even though I’m focused on front-line workers, I understand that good bosses can have bad bosses, too, all the way up the chain.
So how does Kevin get away with it?
Leg 2: 90% of bosses don’t like conflict
Kevin gets away with it because 90% of humans don’t like conflict, and labeling them “manager” doesn’t magically change that. Thus, it’s much easier for your boss to ask you to throw together a last-minute PowerPoint for the meeting tomorrow (“You know, when you get the time, but I need to see it before I go home tonight”) than it is to ask Kevin. Because:
A. She’s busy. She just wants it freakin’ done, and done right the first time.
B. Assigning something to Kevin will only make her life harder since he’ll whine and complain and still not get it done on time and to her standards.
C. You always come through, no matter what.
And, as a bonus, you are apparently satisfied with a hearty “job well done” rather than extra money. The work is its own reward! No matter how much she piles on, you never quit, so deep down you must love it.
The steps above are way easier than holding Kevin accountable. Sure, Kevin won’t score quite as high as you on his year-end performance rating, but he won’t be marked down much either. Why? because he’s never given work at which he might fail. So he’ll be running his fantasy league draft next season, too.
Your boss may get slight pangs of guilt about piling the heaviest load on the best horse, but she’ll find ways to justify it to herself.
A boss's guide to irritating employees
First, always minimize the amount of work your employees do. Whenever you assign a new task, be sure to say things like, “This won’t take long,” or “This task will be really easy for you,” or – best of all – “This usually only takes me an hour.”
This technique accomplishes two goals at the same time: It keeps your employees from complaining about how much work you’re dumping on them (no one wants to hear that, am I right?!) AND it helps you feel much better about overworking your best people to death.
Second, always complain about your own workload, especially in response to your employees venting about theirs. The slackers you manage have no idea how hard your boss is expecting you to work, so be sure to tell them at every opportunity.
You’re already bragging complaining about the ridiculous amount hours you work to partners, friends, and your followers on social meda, so don’t leave out your employees! They love hearing that their boss is unhappy with the amount of work it takes to earn a bigger paycheck than they are.
And the final leg of this three-legged stool of discontent…
Leg 3: 90% of workers think they’ll be “taken care of” if they just work hard enough
Now we are starting to talk about you, your job and your naïve hope. This is the hard part.
“If I just work hard enough for long enough, someone will take care of me and give me the money/promotion/acclaim that I deserve.”
Maybe. But consider: Do you care about the best interests of others, all the time? Do you go out of the way to ensure that someone else who is working hard gets their just due? No? Or only sometimes? Well, neither does your boss.
No magical transformation occurs when a worker gets promoted to management. He isn’t transformed into a Mother Theresa, an utterly selfless individual who exists to serve the best interests of his employees. We have human bosses, not programmable robots. And humans are, by and large, concerned first and foremost with themselves, even if we manage to conceal that fact most of the time.
Are you saying something like this to yourself right now?
“I’m under no illusions that management is ever going to fully recognize my contributions. I’m only working this hard because they’ll fire me if I don’t.”
Maybe. Maybe not. If someone else on your team is underperforming and in no apparent danger of dismissal, then regardless of your fears, you could underperform for months with no risk. After all, if they fire you, who’s going to do the work? Not Kevin.
So that’s how this situation develops. It’s a mismatch of ability and dedication (yours) with an organization that is not set up to reward individual hard workers.
Is there any hope that things will change?
Why nothing in your job is going to change
First, understand this: you will suffer the worst if the overall quality of your organization is mediocre.
The greater the difference between your abilities and the abilities of those with whom you work, the less management will be capable of recognizing high performers. Remember, all those managers used to be mediocre employees. They will imagine that they used to work just as hard as you even if it’s not true. Their inclination will be to discount any complaints they hear.
Second, if your abilities make others feel inadequate, your accomplishments will be minimized. It’s called “Crayfish Syndrome” and we’ve all experienced it.
Supposedly, if you have a bucket of crayfish 1 and one tries to crawl out, the others will reach up and pull it back.
Note: Always click on these → 2 for additional, slightly off topic but still interesting stuff. Go ahead, try it.
Nobody likes to see evidence that their “I’m a hard-working, important person” persona is wrong. And there you are every single day doing more and getting it done faster. That cannot be acknowledged or it might crack the fragile self-image they work so hard to maintain.
Pulling you down is much easier than exterting themselves to climb up to your level.
I work in a bucket of crayfish. No matter how hard I try to climb up, they pull me back. Click To TweetLocation, location, location
And the final reason why nothing in your job is going to change? Because your work neighborhood is dragging down your value. The price of the best house gets dragged down by the neighborhood average. Your work raises the average output of your team, but they gain more from this effort than you do.
Yay team!
So what can you do? It’s a multi-step process, and some of the steps are difficult. By the time you finish, you’ll know what you’re up against and whether you want to start down the path of changing your work situation.
Easy to fix? No.
I don’t write about easy answers to difficult situations. I write about realistic answers to difficult situations.
Let’s get started.
Avoiding Death from Overwork
Assessing your work identity
Any genuine effort at change must start with serious personal examination. I’ll warn you that it can be uncomfortable.
Are you fooling yourself about how hard you work?
I know you aren’t digging ditches or mining coal; it’s not the total amount of work you do. Our only concern is how hard you are working in relation to your coworkers. But, still…be brutally honest: are you really working that much harder than everyone else? Day after day?
OK. I believe you. Let’s move on.
How much of your identity is tied to your type of work?
Some people go to work then go home and don’t think about work until the next morning. Some people think about work all day and all night. Some people love to say, “I’m a history teacher” or “I work in accounts receivable” when a new acquaintance asks what they do. Are you one of those people?
It’s not right or wrong to have employment be an integral part of your identity. But you should acknowledge it before you make any alterations to your work life.
How much of your identity is tied to where you work?
Do you like being able to say “I work at Microsoft?” Are you going to feel less important if you get another job and have to say, “I work at Acme Computer Programming” even if it pays the same or more?
It’s something you should think about before you decide to quit.
How much of your identity is based on how hard you work?
Do you make a point of telling other people how many hours you are putting in or how much work you bring home over the weekend? Is it important to your self-image that others perceive you to be an incredibly hard worker? Do you like being the go-to person, in spite of how much work it involves?
In other words, would you consider it a badge of honor to say, “They had to hire two people to replace me when I quit?”
It’s best to be aware of this before you try to cut down on your hours, unless you are OK with fibbing a bit about how busy you are.
Side note: Why do we think that others want to hear our tales of work woe when we don’t want to hear theirs? I dare you to share this:
I love listening to how hard other people work. Please respond with details. Click To TweetWho is suffering from you spending too much time – both physically and mentally – at work?
No one but you? Don’t discount that. You may have lost friendships that have withered from lack of attention, or let family relationships grow tenuous.
It’s quite likely that others have been affected by your physical or mental absence. Who are they? And how have they been harmed?
I told you this wasn’t going to be easy
It would be a lot easier for me to write articles with titles like “How to make your boss appreciate you and get paid what you’re worth.” But, you know, I don’t like lying to people.
The next questions are even harder.
Assessing how you approach personal relationships
… at your job and in your personal life.
Are you constantly looking for approval from others, such as your family?
This is difficult to admit. We all look for approval to a certain extent. Only you can judge whether it’s an “am I fitting in thing” or an “I hope everyone notices me because if they don’t I’ll feel like a failure” thing.
Do you feel that you have to work harder to earn love?
Is your automatic response to disapproval (or imagined disapproval) to dig in and work harder? To “show them” that you are worthy of approval?
Do you consider dedication and loyalty to be among your primary characteristics?
Both dedication and loyalty are awesome and admirable traits. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just something to be aware of that can be used against you by people with an agenda.
Do you hate to disappoint others?
As in, you will do nearly anything to avoid it, especially if they may express disappointment to your face? A lot of this comes from our formative years as children, not that it matters. It’s still an extremely hard emotion to deal with.
How hard is it for you to say “no” when asked to do something?
I mean a hard “no,” as in, “No, I won’t be able to do that.” Not a soft, please-read-between-the-lines, never-actually-use-the-word-no “no,” which sounds something like, “I’m already taking on that other project and I was going to leave on time to see my kids’ recital tonight…”
That’s not “no.” And you know it.
(By the way, I have a two-article series that is all about how to say “no” that you might find helpful.)
How often do you do things that you wish you had refused?
This includes both work and non-work things. Many families are really good at guilting you into obligations, just like manipulative bosses. Worse than bosses, actually.
How comfortable are you with confrontation?
Does the word “confrontation” make your stomach tighten up just thinking about it? Or do you love it? If you love it, you are a unique individual. Not judging, just an observation.
These answers are essential.
Why? Because they underlie the reasons why you keep getting taken advantage of, no matter where you work.
That’s enough introspection. After double checking your responses for honesty, it’s time to consider the big question:
Are you capable of changing your own approach to work?
It’s nearly impossible to change other people. You’ll see this when you consider the steps below. So it’s imperative that you know, deep down inside, if you are able to change aspects of your personality that allow others to take advantage of you.
You see…
- if you dislike confrontation
- hate disappointing others
- can’t bring yourself to say a hard “no” when you mean “no”
- and you can’t see yourself ever changing that
…then the only way your situation is going to improve is if you find a job where you these traits are not used against you.
Now that you understand yourself better, it’s time to understand your job better.
Assessing your current job
These are easier questions than those above. You’re an expert on how awful your job is! No introspection required.
Are you an insider or an outsider?
If you work for a family-owned business and you aren’t family…well, that could be an issue. But you can also be an outsider because you don’t have the same credentials as others. For example, you didn’t go to the right school or don’t have the degree or certification that everyone else has.
What is the level of politics involved?
Who gets ahead, or gets special consideration? Is it mainly brown-nosers?
Do you have goals that allow you to easily tie results directly to your – and only your – efforts?
Remember the discussion of sales jobs above. Most jobs aren’t like that, but some have similar elements of individual accountability.
How are people paid?
If there is a salary schedule based on position and time in service? Are there annual caps on raises?
Are raises given on a schedule?
When raises are given only annually, it usually means that your boss and her boss have limited ability to pay you more.
Bottom line: does your organization’s structure even allow for you to get paid more? Or does it take an act of Congress to get a raise?
Video: My lightbulb moment
3 minutes, 54 seconds | subtitles available
The central question about your current job is this:
- Is it set up to allow recognition of outstanding performers?
Some companies are just not built to allow individual performers to stand out. Yes, high performance can pay off over time, but a plodding path must be followed to any reward. And there is no way to circumvent this route unless you are well-connected.
(By the way, if you were well-connected, you wouldn’t be reading this.)
Assessing your current boss
Actually, your boss’s boss, too, if that applies. I’m talking about the management group that controls your daily efforts.
Do you get along with your boss?
I mean, when you aren’t steaming about being taken advantage of.
How effective is your boss at holding people accountable?
This can be gauged by how many people get away with less than full effort.
Does your boss minimize the amount of work involved in the tasks she assigns?
Even when she assigns more to you, or assigns things that only you can do?
Bottom line: Can you alter your relationship with your boss to discourage overwork? Are you willing to do this?
This means acting a little like people who get fewer tasks than you…acting a bit more like Kevin. If the thought of doing this turns your stomach, the answer is “no.”
Changing bosses
Another consideration is whether you can change managers within your company, assuming there are other managers who treat their workers differently. If the entire problem is your particular boss, then seeking to change units or departments might be your best first step.
Decision time
Never expect that other people will change because you want them to. You can only change the way that you interact with them. Sometimes acting differently will cause them to alter the way they treat you. Sometimes – or most times – not.
So, considering everything above…
Do you want to change anything at all?
You may not be up for the effort and consequences involved. Your personal life may not be in a position to be disrupted with drama. There could be any number of reasons to let the proverbial sleeping dog lie. But if you aren’t going to (or willing to) do anything about it, then maybe it’s time to stop complaining. But that’s up to you.
If you do want to change, you have two obvious options.
Quitting and starting over in a new job
Your thoughtful analysis may lead you to the conclusion that you have to leave to improve your work life. But be warned: the cycle will repeat unless you change.
If you are saying to yourself:
“I’ll find a job where they appreciate me and how hard I work.”
…then you are already doomed. I’ll illustrate that to ensure you get my point:
You’re doomed unless you’re willing to pursue a line of work where you are held explicitly accountable for your individual efforts, such as sales. Which is a whole other level of stress.
Or you can join an organization that has extremely high expectations for all of its employees. High-pressure professional organizations often pay a lot more, but they really know how to squeeze the last drop of work out of you. When everyone is working 60 to 80 hours a week, then you can complain freely along with the rest, but don’t expect anyone to take you seriously.
But let’s assume that you just want a different-but-sort-of-the-same job. This is your big chance to change schools, so to speak. You know, like a teenager changing schools during summer break and taking the opportunity to create a new persona. Leaving behind the nerd caterpillar and emerging as the cool butterfly. That’s you.
To avoid repeating the same story, you are going to have to underperform in a way that won’t feel natural. Your instinct will be to throw yourself into your new job to prove how awesome you are, in the process revealing all your exceptional talents. Within six months, you’ll be right back where you are now.
Instead, you’ll need to use your skills without advertising them. You want to perform like this:
Still giving your employer more than they expect, but not your full knock-it-out-of-the-park, hooked-on-overwork performance. The key is that you can deliver +10% performance without working extra hours.
Remember: once you show superhuman powers, you can never scale back without being labeled a slacker – someone who is not living up to their full potential.
Now you just have to find something besides work to fill your life with meaning.
The end of the 'company man'
Yes, to all who are shuddering at this prescription for succeeding in a new job, I did start off in the era when devoting yourself to your job earned steady pay increases and lifetime employment. That era is long over, and anyone who thinks all employers have their workers’ long-term best interests at heart is naïve. 3
With rare exception, employer/employee relationships are not like a family. They are a commercial transaction: you work for a set period, you get paid for that time. But no guarantees for the future.
Just ask the people you know who have been laid off.
Changing Your Current Job
I saved this for last because it’s the hardest thing to do. Yes, even harder than starting a new job.
It’s as hard as changing the label that your family has placed on you. You know, the one they keep reapplying at every family gathering, no matter what you do or how much you’ve grown and changed since childhood. Humans like to label because it makes it easier to deal with others if you can lump them all into categories. 4
And once labeled as “bad,” there was hardly ever a need to reassess, so might as well make the label permanent. As you have experienced, we are not well-served by this labeling instinct in the modern world.
And your work “family” will resist changing their assessment of you every step of the way. They will be just as disappointed that you are not living up to their expectations as your mother.
Here’s the change-your-current-job process.
You can try talking it through with your boss
Yes, it will feel confrontational and you’ll be tempted to talk around the issue. But somewhere in the volume of words that you spew, you have to communicate this:
“I’m getting more done than anyone else, yet more is asked of me and I get no extra pay. I don’t think this is fair. What can be done?”
Note: You have not directly implicated your boss in overworking you. Don’t set off a defensive reaction by being too explicit.
You’ll know from the response if there’s any hope. If it helps get the message across, this is also the time to reveal a socially acceptable reason for not working as hard. Such as:
“I need to focus on my:
- health
- children
- parents
- other pressing and universally understood reason.”
(Maybe don’t say “pets.”)
People like reasons that give them an out. So your boss can say to himself:
“Robin is backing off on work because of a personal situation, not because I’ve been an overbearing taskmaster.”
You don’t need to make a point of crushing others into conforming to your needs. Who cares if they need to justify it in some way? You just want the result, which is lessening your own workload.
Whether you have a discussion or not, you will have to move on to the next phase. Which is where it gets even harder.
Start disappointing people
This is super hard. But all I’m saying is start doing the same amount of work as everyone else, or at most +10% to still stand out a bit. Which is way less than people are used to getting from you. Which means they’ll be disappointed. You are the best judge of how to avoid overwork in your particular situation, but consider the following.
Stop volunteering for extra stuff
If someone wants something done, they need to ask. Every time you volunteer for more work, you set a new floor for what is expected of you. If you get extra work done every single time, you’ll always get extra work.
Stop meeting arbitrary deadlines that no one else is meeting
This means not scoring imaginary points for being the only person to meet the deadline. Which in reality no one cares about. Which is why everyone but you blows it off.
Start using the same excuses as other people
“I can’t add that to my plate right now,” etc. You’ve heard them all for years. Choose a couple as your quick-response phrases.
Get ready for the fallout
Beyond changing perceptions about you, there’s another issue: someone has to do the work. Bosses don’t stop coming up with extra work just because you are no longer available to do it.
It will take every bit of strength you have to not allow coworkers to suck you in, even if you could do the task faster (and they know it). It’s called tough love. They need to learn and grow and rise to challenges, just like you had to.
Your path will begin to diverge
It’s highly likely that you will fall out of the fast-track, “in” crowd, the go-getters who make things happen. You know, the other overwork adrenaline junkies.
This process of realigning your relationship with bosses and coworkers could take a year or more. It may require some management turnover to really stick.
Be prepared to fill your time
So here you are, exactly where you’ve always said you wanted to be: doing an appropriate amount of work. No more long hours, no more weekend texts and calls.
Now what are you going to do? Where will your validation come from?
Think about it.
Avoiding a life sentence of hard labor
The world desperately needs people who are good at their jobs – there is a lot of important work that needs doing. Your world, however, desperately needs you.
I’m talking about everything that makes up your world: family, personal passions…even pets, if that’s important to you. When we allow our jobs to drain the best of ourselves every day, when we can’t ever completely refill our motivation for work and life, then something has to change.
No one – no one – will ever fill this deepening hole in your life with magical appreciation or some equivalent amount of money that makes your grueling work schedule worthwhile.
But you can chart your own course from this point forward. Serious self-examination is the first step, followed by letting go and realigning priorities. It’s really hard to change our relationship with work. I’ve done it, so I know it’s possible.
I know that you can do it, too. Let’s get started.
Until next time… remember: Think about it. A lot. Then do something.
This was absolutely fantastically well written, humorous at appropriate points, and overall just really high quality! I am totally subscribing and going to read everything else you write!
Thank you for taking the time to share that. I appreciate it more than you can know.
You are dead on with this article. I am a school teacher who is overworked because somehow it has become “expected” that teachers take their work home. And it’s our own fault for all the reasons you state here. I had already come to this conclusion so I am changing jobs. Thanks for helping to clarify my decision!
Glad to help, Jennifer. It takes a lot of thinking before committing to a change of career… I wish you the best of luck in that endeavor.
Very good article.
Hook, line, and sinker! This is the first article of yours that I’ve read, and I’m excited to read more. Very high quality piece, and you have an uncanny ability to know and answer all my “well, but…” thoughts that crept up while reading. Thank you!
Thanks for the feedback, Ashten. I appreciate it. I’ve got a lot more in queue and coming soon.
This is awesome! Totally can relate to everything here. I quit my job, but failed to let go and after serious self examination I am ready to approach work on healthier terms. Pursuing my passions in writing, art and meditation is going to help me keep the balance. Thank you for all the texts, although the topic is “dead” serious, I was laughing more than crying :)))
Marta, thanks for letting me know. I’m glad I could help provide a little guidance to your thoughts. Best of luck.
Excellent article! We all need advice, especially advice explaining how we are the creators of our own problems, delivered so succinctly yet with a splash of humor – it helps the ‘medicine’ go down! Never a more true explanation have I read – so I’m going into the corner, studying the Job-Cycle chart and practice saying “No” while shaking my head instead of nodding. Thank you!
Thanks, Stephanie. I appreciate the comment.
When I read Glassdoor company reviews by former employees, many make the same observation: Companies overworked their hard-working, excellent employees, causing them to eventually burn out and feel “forced out” —all while inadvertently rewarding mediocre “coaster” or “deadwood” co-workers with easier workloads, causing them to stay on indefinitely. (Or, as a shareholder once told me: “I know you’re an excellent employee. And I know that life here is much harder for you than the others as a result of that.”)
Too bad I didn’t read your article when I was 18 years old! It would have provided me with a personal map that I now know, four employers and many years later, to be absolutely true. My experience: Changing jobs to fix this pattern is akin to rearranging the chairs on the Titanic. It’s better to be disillusioned (i.e., remove the illusion that giving 110% will be appreciated or even respected), accept that you’ve unconsciously set yourself up to be a company doormat, and decide to change the habits/beliefs of work codependency leading into that illusion.
I’m currently burned out and have searched the internet for articles and YouTube clips on this topic. This is the most insightful assessment of the situation I’ve read to date. Thank you.
Michelle, I’m glad I could provide a useful lens through which to view your situation and options. Human nature is a very frustrating thing, both the tendency to take advantage (in others) and the tendency for many of us to allow that (in ourselves). I wish you look with your future. Thanks for stopping by.
With having so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagiarism or copyright infringement?
My website has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any methods to help prevent content from being stolen? I’d certainly appreciate it.
I never worry about it, never search for it, don’t care. Google knows which content was published first and that anything after that is not the original source. So Google will give priority to the original item in search results.
There is no way to keep content from being scraped/stolen, you can drive yourself crazy trying to track down stuff, and it’s essentially impossible to get it taken down anyway. Google will catch up to scrapers and spammers eventually…they are playing a losing game.
I’m speaking from the experience of running multiple websites for many years. I used to worry about it but learned enough to realize it’s nothing to worry about. That’s my perspective, at least.
This advice seems to be coming mostly from a position of resentment. Being indispensable means you have leverage. Learn how to use it.
Here’s what you do if you are stuck in this situation: talk to your boss. Tell them exactly how you feel – that you are passionate about helping, that consequently you are expected to do more and you aren’t being compensated or moved ahead. You are being paid the same amount as others who are just cruising.
If they don’t accept what you’re saying, then you threaten to quit and see if all of a sudden they are willing to recognize that you are in fact indispensable. If not, then move to another organization in which the boss will put valuable people ahead.
You don’t stop being a hard worker. That’s giving up on life and will result in resentment, hatred, and depression for the personality type that this article is describing.
Everyone has virtues and vices. Being hardworking, reliable, and an asset is a virtue. Being a coward who lacks self-esteem and is willing to be stepped on, never asserting how they feel or standing up for themselves – that is a vice. Instead of giving up your virtue, learn to overcome your vice by acting opposite to it until your instincts change.
It depends a lot on the employer and industry. Some who have written to me come from jobs where this approach is not an option. For example: teachers who work in unionized settings with structured pay scales based on tenure, not individual performance. If they want to keep doing something they love (teaching children), they have to be more creative and less confrontational to achieve their work/life goals.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
Point taken. But I feel like the majority of jobs, at least in the corporate world, what I wrote applies.
I guess I’m just worried that this post will give fodder to those people who are looking to validate their resentment without hearing the needed advice to maintain their virtues and fix their vices.
I recommend Jordan Peterson’s advise on this – do your best in whatever job you find yourself and good things are likely to happen. Good employees are rare.
Yes..I liked a lot of this article but the ending isn’t one that would make me happy. I want to move up in my company. Being what I would consider lazy would make me miserable.
I agree. It’s a funny article but I hope that’s not how life is. For one thing, every project I get teaches me new skills. Even if I’m overworked currently, it’s nice to think that I could someday apply these skills to starting my own company. Isn’t that what overworkers ought to be doing, anyway?
I wish I’d read this 30 years ago. I know with certainty of two jobs they couldn’t fill with one person for the same salary after I left. I knew this was happening to me. I didn’t know how to change it.
In the final six weeks of my last corporate job, I was asked how I planned to enhance my contribution to the company over the next five years. I have to say, I got a great kick out of saying, “I don’t” (I was moving country).
There was no opportunity for promotion in my area, and no suggestion of a pay raise, which had been minimal in recent years. And with that one question, all I could see were the wads of money and time going out my door for education to appease an employer who treated support staff like a necessary evil instead of an important cog in their productive wheel. So, yeah, watching her jaw drop was definitely worth that answer.
Thanks for that story, Muriona…made me laugh. Not every employer is so mercenary, but all too often that seems to be the default.
100% myself and my coworkers. Done.
Scott,
It has happened to me that my efforts of getting to being liked for my hard work, and then given more work has led me to a point where I feel extremely tired and not giving proper attention to my family, and activities that give me joy.
It is a really tough balance having to consciously limit the output, else risking sleep disturbances.
And thanks for the advise of not trying to change others but the self. And for opening my eyes to really see how others’ techniques to avoid work and yet receive the same pay gets them to stick around.
Thanks also to others’ comments that throw some light into people being asked to work two jobs for one pay.
I have decided to ‘train’ others. Today someone asked me ‘do me a favor and provide this details…’ I pointed them to the general source of information, where they can get details themselves. Also I am studying how other hard working people deal with burnout. A colleague i really appreciate gives me the info, but doesn’t spell it out for me, which i tend to do.
And a conversation with my supervisors led to some candid discussion about my leaving on time and getting others to help.
Very glad I could help. Achieving that seemingly mythical “work/life balance” always takes more effort than it should!
Thanks Scott! Again, Iappreciate your help!!
Reading this after I asked for a raise and got a “we can talk about it, but we have really been waiting for you to step it up” response. I inherited all my coworker’s tasks when she became pregnant. She’s making around 55K. I make 11$ an hour. BIG DIFFERENCE there. This does always happen to me in every job. I work hard, get deflated from not being rewarded, bubble up inside til I can’t take it, then repeat. No way to live. I got my real estate license and ready to take the jump and leave behind this piddly assistant role. Cheers to this article.
Hey, Kirsten, glad I could provide a perspective that has helped you make a decision that is right for you. Good luck with being a Realtor!
I cried when I read this article. It’s the first one I’ve read online that really hit every key feeling I’ve had with my current job and every other job I’ve held. I’m a classic overachiever and was raised that way, to want to be the person to be counted on and not disappoint superiors. Never in my 34 years of life did I think this would be a detriment to relationships, mental health, and life in general but boy it has and I cannot seem to get the hang of being “mediocre” at work.
Just today after being literally given nearly every job duty a coworker was supposed to do (who gets paid literally triple what I do) I threw up my hands and asked why was it that I was being forced to do these duties when I’m packed already and the other person twiddles their thumbs. I was told that the other person just can’t be trusted so I will now have their job duties despite the person in question having a history of poor performance. I swear, I wanted to scream and storm out. How utterly and disgustingly unfair.
Your article has really opened my eyes. Somehow, some way I need to learn to do less so I don’t become a doormat at my next position as there is no hope of changing this one. Thank you so much for posting this. It just helps reading something that understands what I’m feeling and gives realistic, kick in the pants ideas on remedying it.
Hi Rin. I’m glad this has given you some food for thought. As you’ve likely seen from some of the comments here, others haven’t had your experience (or mine) and are a little put off by this whole discussion…working hard is supposed to be the key to everything and ultimately will lead to the success a person wants.
But it all depends on the company/boss/job. ANY company will tend toward taking advantage of hard workers, some just do it more than others and don’t match salary with work. When one’s personal tendencies intersect with the wrong corporate atmosphere…well, you know very well what the result is. And, unfortunately, the “not disappoint others” programming is extremely difficult to overcome.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think they will help other readers. I sincerely hope that you will find success with your next position. Good luck!
Rin, I am learning myself to say no. Here is a good url https://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2013/12/26/how-to-tell-your-boss-no-without-saying-no/#67e62c0b1abf
Also, there are words and speach elements that decrease the effectiveness of our message, it says women in the url but it also applies to men http://www.upworthy.com/3-things-women-say-that-weaken-the-power-of-their-words. God bless.
Hello Scott, excellent and convincing article. I thought i was having a life crisis. Your article pointed me to a possible way out of the self created ‘situation’. Thankyou for helping me out. I am going to try giving up my quest for perfection and see how that goes for awhile. What is needed+10% is my mantra starting today till however long in can keep this up +10%. 😉
Hey Divya,
Thanks for your feedback on this article. I really appreciate it. I’ve got a borderline OCD thing going, so I get that it’s hard to let things be just “good enough” and not perfect.
Fortunately for people who are as thoughtful about their situation as my readers, +10% for them is usually at least +25% over what others accomplish, so it all works out for our bosses, too.
Good luck.
It’s early in the morning and I stumbled across this. Great read and appropriate. Last night I decided to give my notice today at work. I got not one, but two of the worst projects dumped on me. One requires full time focus. Tried to explain that to my cray cray boss. She has the biggest ego and her solution is to work with me to multi-task better. I can’t stand her. Have to go find a contract right away. But my job is killing me. Thanks!
This is one of the best articles I have ever read on the Internet. Funny at times, painfully true at others, and wholly accurate. Thank you.
Thank you, Brooke…I’m glad you found it helpful.
This is a “food for thought” good article. My job is slowly killing me it seems and the expectations my organization has for us to perform our duties efficiently & productively is insane due to an ongoing daily issue of supply & demand. We are not provided with the supplies needed to perform at a high level & yet they are aware of it but no resolution thus far. Some of us go the extra mile and maintain by retrieving the necessary supplies ourselves when others stand around. Only a few including myself. The bosses come around to evaluate your progress and aware that you are amongst that few yet do not acknowledge your efforts. They greet you but their faces are stern. Well the one I thought was does but the other one is mean. The mean one has been the more difficult to figure out that’s made me do jobs others wouldn’t and works me harder. I have a reputation of speaking my mind but for the right cause and reason. I am seeking other employment because the stress working there is affecting my health. However, I’m learning to ignore the looks and avoid coworkers who are invading my space and want to socialize. They are extremely nosy and I am very private & a mystery which intrigues them even more . The pros of working there is Ive acquired a new set of skills.
Omg. This is me. This is so me. I am THIS close to sharing this with my boss. As in THIS close. Super eye opener, this. I really feel the need to break out of this vicious cycle I’m in at work, but I don’t really know how. If I switch jobs, you are right! It will be the same thing all over again. Why can’t I be the mediocre guy or the crayfish? It’d be so much simpler (but we all know I won’t do that).
You could’ve been writing my biography, it is so spot on. I’m going to save this article, and more importantly, I’m going to figure out how I can use it to my advantage. Thank you Sir for writing this and for opening my eyes to the truth.
Thanks for your comment…I really hope you can find a way out of your difficult situation. Life is too short for spending so much effort (physical and mental) on jobs that are too demanding. Good luck!
This article tells me the truth of why I am stuck in a vicious cycle of burning out, severe depression and quitting jobs. I worked way too hard, which only rewards others but not me. Instead, my ex-managers would pile the work on me.
Whenever I spoke to my ex-managers to reduce my workload, I get bullied into sucking it up with constant threats of getting fired.
Eventually I get so bitter and depressed that I quit the job for the sake of my mental health.
This has happened quite often and it makes me look like a job hopper. I didn’t know how to stop the cycle, but I think I know the answer now.
Depression is a tough thing (I have it) and anything that aggravates it is adding insult to injury. I’m glad my thoughts could help you figure a way out of the cycle. Good luck on your future jobs!
Thank you for the brilliant article. I’m preparing to leave a job after repeating a second time the cycle a you describe very well. I’ve got a lot of well meaning advice about “you gotta set better boundaries” or “you gotta just leave at 5”. What I’ve realized from some introspection is can’t just do that. I don’t want to be a martyr, but there also a part of my identity that is tied up with taking ownership of my work, of delivering results and being an achiever. Your article provided a great answer to what I’ve been struggling with, how do I strike the balance of being a person I can respect and not be taken advantage of. “Reasonable expectations +10%”. Brilliant. Thanks.
Thanks, Brent. I’m glad my perspective could help. So hard to recognize patterns until they have taken over, but it seems you are one of the rare ones who are making deliberate changes.
Boy…. I could have written all this. If only I had time given how busy I am at work! 😁 Add to that a heaping dose of trying to be the perfect daughter and caregiver to an elderly, poverty-stricken parent. I can tell that I’m killing myself but can’t seem to stop. And I happen to work in an environment where we promise the sun, moon and stars to our customers and the where the bar is constantly being raised. “Great, but what have you done for me lately” could be our company motto!
Thanks for the piece. I expect I’ll reread it several times.
One word. Accountant. There isn’t even anyone to compare me to because I’m at a small company. I have tried passive aggressiveness. I just have to hold out a few years so I can start that cycle again.
Hi Scott, thank you so much for your nuggets of wisdom. This is by far, the most informative, accurate and relevant and might I add – philosophical article on The Overachiever Syndrome/Curse I’ve read.
I really appreciate your deep insights and practical advice pertaining to the vicious cycle of corporate exploitation. You’ve really hit the spot with this one. There’s just so much truth in this, even if it’s a bitter pill to swallow for some of us.
People with a sense of accountability and empathy often seem to be on the receiving end of such mistreatment but ultimately, it really does require taking a step back, and taking a hard look at one’s own fears to understand the root cause. Like you have identified, these recurring exploitative experiences are often tied to one’s self-worth & identity. And the only way to break the cycle is to get honest with oneself.
I’ve definitely learnt this the hard way myself and completely identify with the scenarios & personas you’ve shared above. As such, I have started saying No – slowly but surely.
To the rest who are reading this, I’m sending you positive vibes and courage to stand up for yourself and enforce healthy boundaries. Remember this. A whimper of a No is better than a than an Okay, I guess… Start practicing saying No from this moment on and I promise you, eventually you will be able to say No with confidence.
Hi! Thanks for your comments, which I feel adds even more depth to what I’ve shared. Even I still struggle with this at times, and I should be full of insights on this topic. All one can do, as you say, is to start somewhere and keep at it.
This is a really astute article but funny at the same time. Now that we are wfh I thought I’d get more work-life balance but I’ve never worked so hard in my life. All the usual signs are there: minimising new or extra work processes, stating concern about workload whilst acknowledging we are workhorses and constantly piling on new demands, a minute suggestion I make regarding a simple one-off check tool to simplify and ease our work is thrown out to the team to debate as it may unnecessarily add to the managers already busy workload… then the constant insisting that we’re no busier than normal when we are much busier. It’s all so formulaic and universal. Did someone write a manual for managers to do these things? Lol thank you for this I will start to dial back intentionally.
Amazing Article! I have saved this to my favourites and tend to do some looking inside of me and work on some things. Never in my life have I found any advice so spot on, it’s like you wrote this article about ME!! Especially that Cycle Chart, Oof that was eye-opening for me to what my career has been. I’ve always been commended on being a hard worker in every job that I’ve ever had (so that is nice) and teased about being OCD (I’m not) but, everyone also comes to me first for answers and results.
I work with a MAJOR slacker – I’ve never seen one so bad actually. She gets paid the same as me and although my Manager is a fantastic person and sees the problem, she refuses to deal with it as she doesn’t have support from her higher Management and she doesn’t like confrontation. I get so frustrated and have become a whiner and that is not who I want to be. So many times I’ve asked myself “what is wrong with me?” I’m working on it now, thanks to this article!! I won’t stoop to the slacker’s level, I could never live with myself but, I’m practicing saying NO more, not volunteering, and forcing the workflow to the slacker.
Thank you again for this article. It touched my heart in many ways.
Everything is spot on but about overwork, I would say this:
If you have the capacity both mentally and physically to do overwork then take it up because that’s how you grow or step-up in your career. If you miss even 1 (either mentally or physically weak) then do exactly the same that you read in this article.
I’ve re-read this article multiple times in the past few months. It’s such a refreshing change from the “hustle harder” articles I see on LinkedIn every day. It reminds you to ask yourself “who is my productivity really benefitting?” For most hardworking people-pleasers, rarely is the answer “myself”. I speak as one of them – hoping to reclaim some life from the job that has taken it over. Thank you for this well-written & measured article.
The only article I’ve read on this topic that made any sense. I work as a teacher and am appalled at the teachers in my team, who prefer to talk all day rather than pay attention to the students they are supposed to be supporting.
Manager after manager ignores the toxicity and just asks those who work hard to do more/see more students. So demotivating.
It’s hard to step back as this means fewer students receiving support for their special needs. No wonder so many teachers die before they get to pension age. I don’t know if I can put the advice into action, but it’s a consolation that I’m not nuts!
Thank you so much for this..timing impeccable.
I have just realised that working 70 hrs a week and killing myself for the past 30 yrs is pretty funny really. Like what for? Why do I hate myself so much?
Has it been worth it? Who really benefited?
I have changed jobs so many times and in so many ways from sales to finance to machine operator to farm work to supermarkets to security and everything in between and I have done the very same thing over and over – worked too hard with little regard to my own health and sanity. Don’t even get me started on all the unpaid overtime I’ve accrued. I’d seriously be a millionaire.
I know it’s my fault and I am going to change it starting now. I don’t know how yet but I do know that if I do not listen to my health – both mental and physical – I will die for bosses who will just get another one and work that one to death, too.
Is that really what we are here for?
Look at the guy working next to you or at an entry-level job…he sees his friends, he manages to pay his bills, he just does his job and he has a life. And he does no unpaid overtime! He values his time and himself. Now maybe he is nasty, a manipulative narcissist and not a team player. Maybe his name is Kevin. I’ve worked with them all and I don’t want to be them, but his life is looking pretty good to me right now and seeing as I just worked myself into a sickbed yet again, it’s time to learn just a little bit from Kev and stop seeking validation from a place that can not and will not ever give it to you.
Because if that happens you will have arrived and all that extra work because you have a good work ethic you are smarter and faster and everything else will not work for your bosses anymore so they need you to keep chasing the elusive carrot and I need to stop buying into this ridiculous hamster wheel. As I said it’s quite funny when you can see it. To change will be hard but I am so ready to give it a go and am excited to see what I will do next and how I will do it.
Looking forward to more amazing articles.
Thanks again.
Thank you for this helpful information. Definitely a game changer. I will be making some positive changes to my work life balance.
Hi Scott! I just wanted to say you really clarified a lot of struggles in my life for me and this article especially really hit home for me. I hope you’re doing well during these tough times. This website truly is a gem. The selfish part of me is hoping I see some new posts 🙂 but I really just wanted to say thank you.
Your comments hit home so much Em! I agree with you! Positive vibes for everyone in the world like us who have a sense of accountability and empathy and struggle to say no to have the confidence to say even the smallest no!
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Wow! Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to read. I was searching for advice on how to handle my current situation. Which is…after being immensely overworked and dumped on (my fault as I have just read and digested), my co-worker “Kevin” is retiring next week and a replacement has not been hired. Rumor has it that “Kevin’s” job is being eliminated and all duties will be given to me.
Just the thought of this has thrown me into full red alert anxiety! I am waiting for the conversation this week where I am finally informed of this plan. How “Kevin’s” job is so easy and since I sit right there and I’m such a good worker I can certainly take this on. I have almost three years left before I can retire so I am trying desperately to hang in there.
This article(which describes me precisely) has given me the insight I need to say NO to this upcoming demand (disguised as a compliment and acknowledgment of my abilities, but no pay raise). I am going to seriously work on the skill of “disappointing people”. This goes against the grain of who I am but I now realize it is necessary for survival!
Excellent piece, I totally identify with this. I now realise I am my own worst enemy.
Maybe I can change things.
Thank you.
Finally someone gets me. I’m not alone. There is a way out or in….
Thanks for the eye opening pathway…..my feet are staying on this,without over achieving to my own detriment.
My situation is slightly different, and I have a hard time figuring out what to do because of it. Most of the people I work with including myself are overworked overachievers. We are 90% hard working IT professionals with good, creative ideas. There are very few slackers at my company. However, I am feeling the detriments in my personal life from being overworked.
I am considered a top performer at my company, but they do give compliments. Our company hasn’t been doing well the last couple years, so no one has had a raise at all (not even for cost of living increases). We all keep working hard, very long hours. Some of us are exhausted, but it is expected not only from leadership, but also from our colleagues.
I could use some advice.
A little bit more that I forgot to mention. If I start slacking off, there are plenty of other top performers willing and ready to take my job away from me.
I like this company better than others I’ve worked for. IT is full of highly overworked, under-appreciated jobs (especially for business analysts & project managers). I am worried if I start slacking off that I could eventually be laid off (before I can afford to retire). I also struggle with getting a bad reputation as a slacker, and I’m not sure how to do just enough, but not too much. Remember, my other colleagues are also over-achievers and not slackers.
Please reply with your suggestions. I want to learn to change, but I’m struggling to do so.
I don’t want to jump ship to another company for fear that it would be even more overwork and less desirable management/co-workers. I like the people I work with.